In the last year I taught German to over 100 people, wrote 2 books, filmed a whole video course, learnt a lot about coffee, started a secondary business as a blogging teacher and had to go back to the doctor for more Prozac (beautiful stuff). The biggest part of all this was getting to know myself better, learning about my expectations and all the things that I thought I cannot do. I still think about this all the time – all the stuff that the voice in my head has decided I cannot do.
When I first started out in self-employment, I made this huge list of things that I could try to do. It was long. Based on the good advice that I found in books I wrote a list of what I was good at. Then write a list of what I really enjoy. In theory this will give you a crystal clear image. See what overlaps, and you have created a dream job. Except that’s actually a lot harder when neither of the lists has “making a decision” written on it. My options for the next career move included education agent, travel agent, PhD student, language tutor. In the end I went with what I knew. I started as a language tutor, which slowly evolved into blogger and author, too. I learnt that I am great at teaching and I love helping people accomplish something new and exciting. In this meandering journey that seems to never end, I am beginning to find my confidence. And as it turns out, when you want your customers to be a group of people that you will like, the confidence is super-important because it’s the only way to say no to easy money that makes you unhappy.
As a reader of this blog you’re probably aware that things are not always straightforward. I can only pretend that I am awesome, and hope that other people buy into it. And I can only stick my finger in the air and hope that the next project, the next investment and the next wave of energy will push me even further forward.
Sometimes you have the pleasure of hearing that people from the outside perceive you positively. They admire my work, they think I’m further down the road than them. Maybe I am, I don’t know. To me, it feels like every step I take is still the first step but slowly my attitude to all those first steps is changing and I’m less terrified. Let’s see how I feel tomorrow, eh.