Still a bit of an idiot

This week I realised an important thing – my friend and editor mentioned that I’d been “noodling around” the idea of focusing more on my blogging and branding work for over 3 months, and I was like “more like a whole year!”. She said that I need to jump into one pool or the other, and I’ve been gradually reducing the tutoring work that I do but struggling to let go of Fluent completely. Actually, what needs to happen is that I hand this blog over or stop working so much on it. It doesn’t work out economically if the work I want to do isn’t in language. It feels scary, untested, I don’t want to do it. Fluent has been my baby and I’ve got to let it go. So hard.

Running my first has probably taught me more about business than any course could have done. I know that it’s kind of pointless to offer anything to everyone, you have to ask people for cashmoney at some point, that cutting old offers that weren’t popular REALLY isn’t a big problem. If no one cared in the first place, it’s not like you’re taking anything away from them.

The things I’ve not really learnt 100% yet are about pride and mistaking my business for my whole identity. This is so much harder – when you’ve put everything into making something run, and then it doesn’t, it’s still hard to sack it off. I keep running half-arsed efforts to make this work, but then shying away from anything that could make me truly successful. Basically I’m my biggest problem.

So of course this means saying no to things before I can say yes. I will get these books out, damn, that’s what I will definitely do. I’ve already pretty much written them, and they’ll be useful to those blog readers that do want to hear what I’ve got to say. But if they flop, so what. They’ll flop.

I’ll think of a new title, name, identity for the new business. It’s still difficult for me to put all of myself into one venture because there’s just that much more than me there. But I look at other people who have done impressive stuff. Friends and big business fancypants folks. I’ll try and learn from them, collaborate with others, let it all grow slowly. My desire to rush things is my biggest enemy.

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