Well, I must say that’s been the biggest opposite of a holiday that I have had in months. Over the last two weeks, I have been pretty productive and worked extremely hard o.n so many different things. The first week back was all about getting things going, and when you’re in self-employment this seems to mean pulling out any available stop that could make work appear. Instead of realising that anyone’s first week back in the new year is a slow start, I threw myself into 11 hour days and put in all I had. I finished writing documentation for my French online course, ran one of my monthly German classes, promoted 3 events, taught German, blogged, guest blogged, proposed editing work in another blog. In short, I took on way too much to even create any proper sense of what I was doing.
The result of that turbo start is easy to anticipate in a way: exhaustion, confusion, frantic desperation because nothing was advancing despite all the work I did. What hurts the most when in this situation is an inner feeling of failure and the wrong conclusion drawn. I am not “useless” just because I have not made £1000 in a week, even if my work effort was very high. I am in fact unorganised and have forgotten to put a stage into my work routine in which I review what I’m doing and decide to focus. I did that eventually, by the way, and it was pretty useful. I do recommend Mind Tools for making the mind work at work.
Anxiety is still with me, I fight them all the time and some days it’s really hard. But not all the days, sometimes it’s easier to step away and realise the mind is just thinking stuff and the voice in my head that says all these things is not truth. Be patient with me, world. I get frustrated about it too, but I guess it’s like trying to run on an injured ankle: you’re doing it wrong, you’re breaking the healed bits. Just as I’ve had to cut down on projects, I will have to practice editing my thoughts and making sure they help me do what I’ve chosen. More on that in future, and tips are appreciated. Preferably on a pretty postcard!