..and then my heart sinks

I don’t know if this is one of the quirks of self-employment, or if it affects many people who work, people looking after their kids, or the unemployed. For me, this is quite new. I’m experiencing a working life populated by stops and starts, time supposed to be filled by my own initiative, and gaps between bursts of activity

When I’m left to my own devices, I start daydreaming and THEN reality hits me when I try to put that theory into practice. You see, I’m not 100% sure that what I’m doing is fulfilling all of me, so I’m having to branch out a little bit and try on a few hats to see which ones I love. I’m a happy language tutor, seeing my students succeed and cheering them on at the right times. Beyond that, I currently haven’t got much going on – I run a few local group classes but I think I want to be a trainer! Being out and about, giving inspiration to groups of people, combining new perspectives with learning from them, that’s exciting stuff. Plus, to be honest I would love to get out a little bit more. Teaching from my home all the time is robbing my life of colour.

So where do I go from here? I do have a little list of things I want to work on – training is not all, my friend. Like all of us, ideas bounce into the mind and they’re 10 a penny. Running a stationery shop while teaching students of German, could that work? What about travelling around as a trainer and combining it with writing for the newspaper? But I digress. I love that moment, you see. The stage where you haven’t censored your mind yet and all those beautiful ideas and possibilities just come bounding into your mind. And then the heart sinks when I either google around for the dream job in my mind, or I realise I’m supposed to pick something to focus on. So let’s treat it like a bucket list, record those dreams and pick one to work on.

So let’s take it to today’s question: Once you’ve decided on a thing, just one out of the bucket list, how do you go about trying it out? Last time I picked language tutor, and now I am one, POOF, but for my own tastes I may have gone a bit further than I thought I needed to. I set up with a company name and lots of energy, and every now and then I realise that I was only really wanting to try this out and the bucket list is there and I hadn’t really committed to this life yet, and anyway, it’s not perfect business and now I want to just taste another flavour of life. What do you think, spoilt or sensible?

It’s encouraging to remember that I went from international recruiter to language tutor without too much difficulty. I can do this again, and hope that my confidence will guide me through it. So next time, about finding confidence? Is anyone else experiencing split personality of the professional life?

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